Friday, February 2, 2007

NATIONAL LAMPPON'S WAINWRIGHT VACATION








Hi all, sorry for the delay, I have been lazy, and busy. (Odd how that can go hand in hand, but this place is 20 years behind). Now the past weekend update.

FRIDAY NIGHT:

Ok so I had a master plan to go bar hoppin in Wainwright, just to see what the night life is. A wanted steak, a great idea. Well after getting ourselves dressed and clean. (You don’t have to dress up here.) We drove down the main strip looking for a place to eat for steak. Tony's popped up on the corner where the clock is, and their sign says "pizza, steak, and ribs". With a sign like that, how could we go wrong, we walked in, sat down at a table, and looked at the menu. Well here is where it get interesting, on the menu was only ONE steak item, an 8 ounce at that, no ribs, but they did have pizza. Distrot but hungry, we ordered our meal. A had pizza and wings, I had lasagna. Well it didn’t taste so good, and A had an odd feeling afterwards. **GRAFFIC MATTERIAL AHEAD** A and I didn’t feel very well, lets just say, the meals made an abrupt exit, after the great meal .............................................NOT. lol (Jeavus bless Borat). To give a brief description on the night life here. Starting from the view of the downtown pic, on your right a bit further is a place (DIVE) names Mojos, it has more smoke then mojo. The next block north has Tony's, and on the opposite side, (same as Mojos) is JDs. The final bar is called The Park. It is here where the stripper does her little dance, but since the bar is under renovation, no stripper. (I was told she was sick, which was wrong.) So we started at the Parks since its at the end of the strip, and close by. So A and I walked in, there were some people in there, and a really drunk girl having a special moment with the juke box. We sat at the bar, and ordered our drinks. A asked the bartender what happened to the Park. She said it was under renovations and will be done in 6 months, then immediately asked if we were here for the strippers. WOW do we look that desperate, sheesh. We had one drink, and exited stage left. So next on the hit list was JDs. A quaint little club trying to be a dance club, and enter I did. There was music, black lights, and even flashing lights. The DJ sucked the big one, but I danced as A looked on. ( I hope not at me the whole time.) We closed the place, watched a couple of bouncers rough up a drunken girl, then left. Thus endeth the Friday night.

SATURDAY:

Well we all slept in, and A went for his massage. (FYI with no happy endings) With camera in hand, and a tank of gas, we all headed out. A M and I drove out towards Edmonton. A mentioned the Batleriver trestle and how could we pass it out. I took pics, its an odd place cause its an old marvel of engineering, in the middle of nowhere. After the bridge, we ended up in Edmonton. We decided to truly explore the west Edmonton mall, then find some entertainment. We the mall is huge, we saw pretty much everything, and now it can be officially crossed of the list. Well not much to say about afterwards, except that we tried to find a couple of clubs. Just to let you know, the downtown core shuts down when the street lights come on, and not to many people know their city. So after driving around like losers for a few hours, we headed back to Wainwright. And as for Sunday, it was laundry, a trip to Lloyd, and relax. There you have it, I so suffer out here.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dude, I feel for you. Well not really because I'm still in civilization. But I can try to imagine. If I was out there the villagers might be after me with pitchforks and burnung torches.

Have Amy send you a Wii. Then you won't need to go out.

Stephen.

Kelly Clemmer said...

Hey, dude, you're missing out what really is here in Wainwright.
You're right about the night life, it's not great. It's been better in the past, but I think the night club thing is definitely on its way out.

You want a good steak? Two places in Wainwright that serve a fantastic steak is The Honey Pot, just a block and a bit down (towards the C-plex) from your beloved Tony's. The other place for a wicked steak is The Highway Traffic Cafe up on the highway (across from Mark's Work Wearhouse). It's worth the walk or cab ride. The food there is brilliant.

We may be in the middle of nowhere, but there's lots of great stuff to do, places to eat. You've really picked the wrong ones, unfortunately.
There's a lot more to do and go to than Boston Pizza, perhaps not for a city boy that can't see anything past the night life.

I've lived in Calgary and here, and frankly, I like the life of Wainwright way more than the city. There's more to life than drinking and partying.

By the way, that's not a natural gas pump in that farmer's field, that little one was just a prop. Natural gas is not brought out of the ground by a pumpjack, and no, the farmer doesn't get $3 for every five brought out of the ground. They get an annual fee (rent) for having the pumpjack on their property. The average is about $2,500 a year. There'd be a lot more rich farmers if that was the case.
Hey, you're a fish out of water here, and I know you can't see the positives in a town like this, but they're there, you just have to look. Why do you think so many military eventually come back here to retire? It's not the nightlife, it's the people.
Kelly

Jon (pimpin) said...

Well nice to meet you Kelly, and I am honored that you have read my blog. So I am intrigued by your comments, and I found it a bit harsh but no worries, we all have our own views. So if you want to help this so called fish out of water, please do list the things to do in Wainwright, I will pass it on the the school of fish I am with. I am wondering if you have read all the posts, cause you would see that I am seeing everything when possible and trying new things. So my fellow fish and I have been going through all the restaurants, and I will be posting them as I go. I do hope your night club scene does not disappear, cause then you would have a bigger problem then you think, the night clubs gives the younger adults a place to go, and dance, vent, meet other people. So saying that the dance club will be on the way out would be bad for Wainwright and I'm sure will increase crime.
I know the pump was a prop, but I did have pics of both oil and natgas pumps. As for my information, I got that from one of the many "oilers" that I ran into. So if they give me the wrong info, I post the wrong info. I look forward to see this list of places in wainwright, and I promise I will visit them.

Kelly Clemmer said...

Thanks for the reply. I'm glad to hear that you're willing to try out the town and see what it has to offer before writing it off.
I guess I came off a little harsh earlier because my feathers were ruffled a bit by your description of my town in such a negative light. But, hey, like you said, it's an opinion.
You and your fish are facing an up hill battle. I'm only 35, but I wouldn't want to try and look for girls at the bar and have nothing to do. It would suck. I bartended in what was Wuzzy's Roadhouse (which has been closed for over a year for renovations) until 2000. I saw a lot of shit, and not much of it good. I made a lot of friends, both military and civilian, but I know that too often the dicks of both bunches seemed to be able to sniff each other out and look out the fight would be on.
My buddy Ameer from the Highway Traffic Cafe (the ones with the great steak) is trying to get a contractor to finally finish the work on his new sportsbar club that will really be nice once it's finished. It's just down the highway, across from the PetroCan.
Definitely go check out the Honey Pot. It's a great pub and the food is fantastic.
There's 26 restaurants in this town, they can't all be Tony's... I don't eat there, I wouldn't recommend it either for fine dining...
I think the reason you felt like you were going south when you went to Camrose is because... you were going west, not north. Okay, a little north, but mostly west. It is about 130 km, both ways, no ailens. Rednecks maybe, but no aliens.
For a more 'coffee house' feel, check out the Little Haven on Main Street by the four-way stop. The food is really good there too. (I know, I know, it's a small town when you can describe where something is in relation to the four-way stop or the single set of traffic lights on Main).
I guess the main reason that I commented on your blog is because I know that when I was 19 years old, I couldn't wait to get out of Wainwright and head to the big city. So, I headed to Calgary for four years of university/college. After being broke-assed-broke, I lost the desire to be in the city. There's even less to do when you're broke there. When I returned (and no longer was a bartender) I started to work at the local newspaper and that opened my eyes up to what this town is really about. Its people.
When I said that the nightclubs are on their way out, I didn't mean that bars in general would go away. Far from it, I just think that big-city nightclubs are not going to work here. Bars with dancing and shitty 80s music is probably the best you're going to see. Hanging out with other fish and tossing back a few and bullshitting is probably a better evening than looking for a great night in town. Lloyd has its moments, as does Camrose, perhaps there's a better night life there, but I hope that you can find some stuff to do.
There is a pretty decent pool place on 4th ave, called Pockets, but their hours are a little sketchy.
Hopefully that helps a bit for you and your other fish and I'll be watching your blog for other adventures. Read the local papers, that may also give you some ideas of stuff that's going on that may be of interest...
Kelly

Jon (pimpin) said...

Thank you for the reply, I do hope you are reading my other posts on my blog. As for places to eat, I like Boston Pizza, cause it is smoke free. I shouldnt have to eat where the cook, puts out more smoke then the kitchen exughst fan. In Ontario, and Toronto, there are health laws, I do hope they have them here aswell, the gas attendant, should NOT be behind the counter in the kitchen no matter what. Maybe I have been spoiled in the city, but health is health and maybe Wainwright should follow Toronto' suit. Maybe you being the paper's editor should look into improving your eateries to improve the towns reputation. Now do not get me wrong, I am not indenting to insult you, but I am a non smoker and so is A, also we are both over 30. I'm in my mid 30s, and A is in his very early 40s, even if we both act like we are 12. My bar hopping was one trip to see the town, and see their night life. Just like we will do in Edmonton, and shortly Calgary. I do not drink, and most poeple reading this blog can agree.
Can you please list of things to do in Wainwright, not just places to eat. I will be checking out the honey pot and your friends place. I must admit i'm not the best typer or speller so I appologize for you enduring my bad grammer. Take care and we will be waiting for your list.

Anonymous said...

Hey dude the hiway traffic cafe had shitty food and the pizza was even worse they only thing that was good at that place was this damn hot serverchick that must have been under age because she couldent bring me my own beer lol lol